A Day In the Life of a Death Eater
by aep2398
Summary: Have you ever wondered what the Death Eaters are up to on their days off? Well, some play Halo...some find toilet snakes...others, well, you'll just have to read to find out! A/U. Just for fun. Cont. With other Day in life s ...
1. A Day in the Life of a Death Eater

_**This is all for fun! I do not really think this is what Death Eaters do. This is meant to be funny! And, I don't own:**_

**_Harry Potter, Halo, GameBoy, or Kim Possible. Thank you._**

**A day in the life of a Death Eater, Summer before (what was supposed to be) Harry's seventh year.**

"Do you have any _Crucio's?_" asked Greyback.

"Go kill," said Bellatrix.

"Argh!"

"Wait- wait, Greyback, wait- Yes! YES, I have FOUR Dark LORD's! I've got more sets than you! I win! I've never won before!"

"That's because the only other person you've ever played at Go Kill is Crabbe," said Narcissia. "And, Bella, you gotta admit, you suck, and Crabbe is king of _Go Kill_."

"But still- I won! I won! I won! I wo-!"

"What in the name of Salazar Slytherin's underpants is going ON?" yelled Lucius Malfoy, suddenly appearing in the hall. "I'm facing this guy named 'King Arthur' at Halo, and he is currently winning because Bellatrix won't shut up!"

(_Somewhere at the Burrow.)_

"_YES!" yelled Arthur Weasley. "Molly, Molly, you won't believe it! I won! I'm facing this guy named 'PimpCane23' and then- and then, Molly, I won!"_

"_Good for you, Arthur." said Molly._

"_I told you muggle electronics were good for something! YES! Yes, I won! I won, I-"_

"_Dad, what in Merlin's beard is going on?" said Fred_

"_I beat someone at Halo!" he shouted. "'PimpCane23'!"_

"_Great, now if you could only beat 'KittyCat87'," said George._

_(somewhere at Hogwarts. KittyCat87.)_

"_'HalfBloodPrince'...'" said McGonagall, trailing off. "Haven't played him before. Oh, well, bring it on! Meet your match, 'HalfBloodPrince'! 'KittyCat87' WILL beat you!"_

"Darn it, Kim Possible, why won't you just participate!? Now, listen very slow-w-ly. Pull out your wand, and _Avada Kedavra_ this green girl!" shouted Yaxley. He _Crucio-ed_ the GameBoy as a punishment. "At least petrify him! Come on!"

"Um, Kim Possible doesn't have a wand, and the GameBoy can't hear you," said Draco. "See, you have to do this..." he said, walking over, and pressing a combination of keys. "...jump off the wall, do a triple back-flip, grab the ledge, okay. You're done with level three."

"Cool. Thanks kid."

"TOILET SNAKES! TOILET SNAKES! Ahhh!" yelled Avery.

"What's wrong?"

"Toilet snakes," he said shakily, popping abruptly out of the bathroom. "They're everywhere."

"Aw, Avery, it's not a toilet snake," said Bellatrix, looking at the thing as it waddled into the hallway. "It's a toilet alligator. Aw, how cute are you? Hi little guy...does anyone have a spare arm I can borrow?!"

"No," they all said in unison. "But I do have this eyeball I got from the muggle down the road."

"Not meaty enough..."

"I'm watching the Quidditch game, now be quiet," said Snape. Wait, SNAPE?!

"When did you come in?" said Bellatrix.

"I apparated. After having a thorough but-kicking at Halo, well..."

"_You_ got I _your _but-kicked at Halo too?" said Lucius.

"Yes, by this one person named 'PinkKittyHem-Hem.'" **(A/N: Hem-Hem. Gotta love Umbridge...)**

"What a stupid name," said Lucius. "Atleast mine was 'KingArthur.'"

"I know! And I was barley able to beat 'KittyCat87,' so...maybe I'm losing it, Lucius!"

"You _are not _losing it, Severus. I mean, think of all the things you accomplished! Spied for the Dark Lord; Killed Albus Dumbledore; Defeated 'KittyCat87'; never been kissed," he murmured.

"Hey! I heard that!"

"Heard what?"

"That!"

"That what?"

"You know what that!"

"No, I don't know what that!

"What?"

"I don't know. Wait, what?"

"Argh, Lucius..."

**And, that's the life of a Death Eater. I might do more just as a short-story, like "A day in the life of a Hogwarts employee," or, "A day in the life of an Auror," but you have to TELL me if you WANT them! Okay? Hm...this didn't work out as I planned...aw, well.**


	2. A Day in the Life of A Hogwarts Employee

_**This is all for fun! I do not really think this is what Hogwarts Professors do. This is meant to be funny! And, I don't own:**_

**_Harry Potter, GI Joe, Bratz, Barbie, or the Olsen twins._**

**Special thanks, to:**

**TroyellaIsLove4Ever: **I think Snaperdoodle and Lucy hate each other. LOL. Thanks for being such an awesome reviewer! Move onward, my young Padiwan, to thy main attraction.

**TheKi'liki: **I originally planned it for it to be from Dracos POV, and then as a one-shot, and then...Well, this! Thanks for being cool, and reviewing my story! I won't keep you any longer.

**DolphinDreamer24-7: **Admit it, you don't want Aurors, you want Marauders! I'm thinking of Brit- I mean, um ...Quiche, for the Marauders! Yeah... Love ya's. -A.

**lilacsarepurple: **I feel kind of stupid typing your username. I know lilacs are purple, I'm not stupid!! Rah. So, thanks for reviewing! This chapter is in your honor. I haven't been working on it very long... :( Oopseee Daisy. I wasn't supposed to tell you that. Writers Rule #1. :)

**Hee hee, I've already got plans for the future: Aurors (Who lost their elbow, again?), The Golden Trio (I pity da' fool), the Quidditch teams (all 4), Marauders (**I'm not- that- in-o-cent), The Order of the Phoenix (I love Lucy), the DA (Ginny is a MAJOR whiny brat), The Kitchen House Elves (Lets not work for these *****'s no more)...Ha ha ha. I cannot WAIT to have fun with the Gryffindor Quidditch team. "The beaters do not play with Wood." HA HA HA. Okay, this takes place in Harry's third year:  
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**Random thoughts, from a random mind:**

**Ducks are evil. They were in the caveman time, when they threw the first wheel at a cave woman, and when one bit me when I was two. You might say I'm biased, but THEY ARE THE ULTIMATE SOURCE OF EVIL!!!!!!**

**Duh.**

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"WEASLEYS!" Shouted Snape, his hair dripping wet with water.

"What did they do this time?"

"They- they- the shower...Shampoo...L'Oreal...Because I'm WORTH it," he burst out into tears.

McGonagall raised her cigar to her lips, and then said, "They're horrible."

He stopped crying, "You smoke? Since when?"

"It's the best muggle product ever, I'll tell you that...Including the banana hammock. Oh! Since the Weasleys kidnapped the Olsen twins. Those poor, blond girls. They were singing a song about going to grandmas house, and then the next thing they know, they're kidnapped by two red-head boys..."

"Horrible...Horrible...WEASLEYS!"

"Will you stop that racket? I'm playing with my Barbies!" Said Dumbledore.

"Oh, Dumbledore, get with the times!" said Madame Hooch. "Bratz are in now."

"Barbies?" asked Hagrid. "Always used to play with 'em as a li'lle girl- I mean, boy!" he said hastily. "Did you hear that Barbie broke up with Ken?"

"Yes," said Madame Sinstra, nodding. "He had an affair with her friend, Theresa."

"I thought it was with Barbie's little sister," said Proffesor Flitwick.

"Are you kidding me? She's like, ten," said Professor Sprout. "It was with that Bratz girl, Yasmin."

"Don't any of you read _Happyville Weekley?_ Ken was seen kissing GI Joe in Barbie's dream house, when she went to the moon!" said Snape.

"Sounds like me and Gellert... Wait, what? I didn't say anything!"

"Whatever," said McGonagall. "Did you hear that Barbie got a tatoo?"

"Oh, yes..."

**-Snicker- I had fun writing that. Too much fun.**

**Okay, so, reviews would be GREALTY appreciated! Like...Really appreciated! **

**Love ya', guys.**


	3. A Day in the Life of The Marauders

_**This is all for fun! I do not really think this is what The Marauders do. This is meant to be funny! And, I don't own:**_

**_Harry Potter, Th Sirius Black rap, by Tony Goldmark, Barbie Girl, by Aqua, Pop Princess by The Click Five, Oops, I did it again, by Brittney Spears, Pumpin' Up the Party, by Hannah Monntanna, Stay Beautiful, by Taylor Swift, or U-G-L-Y, by the Bring it On soundtrack ._**

**Special thanks, to:**

**DolphinDreamer24-7: **Okay, here you go. You wanted Marauders, and I'm giving them to you. BUT I BETTER GET AN EXTRA LONG REVIEW IN RETURN!!! LAAAAH. Okay, love ya'. Onward, Dolphys, to the main attraction.

**lilacsarepurple: **Ducks ARE evil. They are freakin' EVIL and everyone knows it. Thanks for being so cool. Now, ONWARD.

**TroyellaIsLove4Ever: **I know. Snape should SO change his name to Ricky Ricardo. LOL, my great-grandma loves that show. Well, thanks for being a wicked awesome reviewer, again! Read the story!

**Updates:**

**- I'm sure y'all (I am such a hick) are wicked excited for the summer, right? Well, I am too, because I GET TO WRITE MORE! Whoo. They're will probably be an update (on this story), like, twice a week, and on my story-story not "casually" update to take a break story, I will update ONCE a week. **

**- I AM ENGAGED! To this amazing guy, named Chad- kidding. WAY too young to be engaged. I just did that to catch your attention, but now I forgot what I was going to say... Darn. Oh yes! I need a beta, and I need to know HOW the heck do I give you my stories oh-beta-one. If you aren't a beta, but know a good beta, and can give my step-by-step instructions, then I will love you for all of eternity, swear.  
**

**Okay, this takes place in the Marauders time (ten points to anyone who can tell me the move Sirius is doing down there). I reccomend going on youtube and finding these songs. Especially Lucius' song...:  
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**Random thoughts, from a random mind:**

**Is it ironic that I hate Ginny, but I always get Harry on "husband" tests, and Ginny married Harry, so being "married" to Harry would mean that I'm in her position?**

**Do you?  
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Sirius came out, doing that hippie thing, where you make bunny-ears with your fingers, and then turn them sideways, and then you make a "sweeping" movement with them. He bobbed his head to the music. The Great Hall suddenly grew black, and then, a disco ball appeared. Blue floodlights turned on, and the music started.

Sirius broke into song:

**I'm a Barbie girl, in a Barbie wor-or-or-ld, life in plastic... It's fan-tas-tic, undress me everywhere. Imagination, life is your creation...**

He ran out of the Great Hall during the interlude, and Remus jumped out, black hair, dark sunglasses, and ripped pants. The floodlights turned from blue, to pink, and the disco ball appeared to have been sucked into the wall.

He broke into song:

**Pop Princess hold my ha-a-and, Pop Princess, I'm a fa-a-an, Pop Princess, I NEED you know, freak me out, turn me inside out...**

He did a little disco exit, and Peter walked out. A couple of fan girls screamed as Remus exited, but were quieted at Peter entered. They were befuddled.

He wore a blond wig, a long, glimmery, blue dress, silver sunglasses, and silver, dangly, earrings.

Then, he sang in a "rat-like" voice:

**Oops! I did it again, I played with your heart, got lost in the game, ooh, baby, baby, oops, you think I'm in lo-o-ove, that I'm sent from above... I'm not- that- innocent.**

He exited the "stage", and here came James:

**Hey...get up...get loud..start pumin' up the party now- party- now- party now-**

He stopped, as Lily, the head girl pushed her way through the crowd, green eyes blazing.

"This one," he said, smiling at her in an arrogant type of way, "Is for my Lily."

**You're beautiful every little piece love, don't you know you're really gonna be someone-**

He was cut off by a curse sent his way from his "love".

"Oh-" he said, spotting Snivellus in the crowd, "This one is to my Snivellus. Okay, I'm a cheerleader now."

**U-G-L-Y, you ain't got no alibi- eh, eh- you're ugly!**

"James, shut up!" Yelled Lily. "I mean, Potter."

"Oh, you don't like that, do you? How about-"

"The Sirius Black rap?"

Lucius Malfoy rolled his eyes.

"Oh- my- Lord, Crabbe, Coyle, look at that Potter. He thinks he's so great, just because his family's one of Brittians richest...But, you know," everyone could hear him now. "Who deserves to understand the Ministry anyway? They only put them on that list to get even. I mean, Potters friends are just so revolting! I can't believe he loves that Mudblood girl, and that _Lupin. _And his hair! It's so...BLACK!"

James burst out angrily:

**It's my 7th year, and I cannot lie, you other wizards can't deny...**

Eventually, Lucius had to raise his voice again, just as Slughorn came around:

"Professor! Potter's not letting me represent for the Slytherins!"

"Mr Potter, let Malfoy represent, or it's detention for everyone."

"I have to use a cane, you know!"

"Alright, fine, here it is," he handed over the mike.

**This one's for all the Slytrherins..Biatch. So you think you can curse or d*** me, or say my acting's ham-my, but if you want to care then understand me: My pureblood family don't- want- buds- unless- they're not- mud- bloods!**

Lily rolled her eyes at this.

**When they intermarry with muggles, it just makes me sick to my gut. I bought my way into Quidditch: you can do that if your fathers rich!**

Sirius gasped. How could anyone DO anything so horrid?

**It's POWER I desire, you don't see me singin' no choirs. When someone steals my cane, I can do them far more harm! 'Cause my dad can claim that they maimed the students and then execute it. Some wizards want to go to Gryffindor, but me I want a little bit more, than the small, meek, and measly, like the bottom-feeders Weasley-**

Arthur glared at him, who, before then, was nodding his head, "No." and clutching on to his girlfriend, Molly's hand.

**They love non-magic folk, is it any wonder they're BROKE? Then this Sirius guy comes kickin'**

Sirius had started kicking at Malfoys shin.

**And I understand if your chicken, but, Goyle, since it is me, I'll get revenge you see, I'll curse his a**, and send him back into the Shrieking Shack-**

Minerva McGonagall interupted:

"SIRIUS BLACK!" Lucius dropped the mike. The song stopped.

"Detention! Detention for all of you!"

There were some, "Awws," in the crowd, as the Great Hall went back to it's normal color.

Argus Filch started mopping up the mess.

And the Marauders, well, they had there next day planned.

**How was that? You liked Peter singing, huh?**


	4. A Day in the Life of The Golden Trio

_**This is all for fun! I do not really think this is what The Golden Trio does. This is meant to be funny! And, I don't own:**_

**_Harry Potter, ._**

**Special thanks, to:**

**Lilacsarepurple: **I replied to your review like, 5 minutes ago! Ha ha. Just, read.

**Okay, this is to make up for the last crappy chapter. Takes place in HP's second year:**

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**Random thoughts, from a random mind:**

**I was born the same year as Teddy Lupin.**

**WHY COULDN'T I BEEN IN VICTORIE'S POSITION? STUPID FRENCH VEELA!**

**Whoo. ****Who knows, I might see him on the train to Hogwarts this year. ****Part Tonks AND Lupin, and raised by Andy and Harry?  
**

**Sounds too good to be true.**

**PS, I'm not really. I just needed a random thought, so don't think I'm 11 years old, please (I lexicon-ed his age!).  
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The Golden Trio was sitting in the common room. Hermione was reading "Breaking Dawn", a muggle novel, Ron was protecting Harry, and then there was Harry, protecting his cat.

They decided to take a stroll through the halls, Hermione still read her book, Ron still protected Harry.

Then, Justin Finch-Fletchy came up.

"Yo, Heir of Slytherin."

Ron stepped up, "I pity da' fool dat messes with Harry!" He made a gang sign at Justin.

"What?"

"I pity da' fool dat messes with Harry!" He made another gang sign.

"Ron-" started Hermione.

"I pity da' fool dat-" He flashed Hermione another one.

"Shut-"

"I pity-"

"SHUT-"

"I pity-"

"RON!"

"I pity da' fool dat messes with Harry."

"Why did you have to tell him about gangsters, and wrestlers?"

"He wanted to know about muggle stuff," he shrugged.

"Ah, well," she picked up her book, and stomped on it hard, "This is crap, and I've got a headache. What d'you want to do now?"

"I pity da' fool that messes with-"

"See? This is why people make me marry Draco in fanfictions; They perceive you as an idiot."

Harry ignored the last two comments made, "What's the book about?"

"Mary-Sues."

"Mary-sues?" he asked, shuddering. "They're freaky man."

"I know, I'm planning on starting up the AAPOCS.- Authors Against Perfect Original Characters Society."

"You know, I'll actually join that one! Not like the one you start up in two years!"

"Thanks, Harry," she said sarcastically.

"I pity da' fool that-"

"Shut up, Ron."

**LOL, that one was a bit better.**

**Review, please! It makes me happy!  
**


	5. A Day in the Life of A SPEW Member

**Okay, I deleted the Klondike bar chapter, because it was lame humor. Even the 'Marauders' chapter made us all giggle (I think...). So, I was thinking about SPEW, and since only Harry, Ron, and Hermione were in it, and only Hermione came to the meetings, I started giggling at the thought of her- well, you'll see.  
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**Oh, wait:  
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**I have a forum, and no one has commented on it yet, so_ again_... you know your cues, right?**

**ANNDDDDD NO ONE HAS DONE MY POLE THINGY YET! I need pole votes. Mm-hmm. It gets you more chapters!  
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**Random thoughts, from a random mind:**

**On my _Subway _sandwich, I get the Italian BMT, on Italian Herbs & cheese, with Monterrey cheddar, toasted, everything but pickles, and RANCH!**

**:)  
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**But you probably don't want to hear about my dream sandwich...  
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"Order! Order! I'm calling this meeting to order!" said Hermione to an invisible group of talking people. "Billy, shut up!" she said.

Her imaginary friend named Billy shut up.

"Okay, now, we need to give these house elfs _rights!_" she yelled forcefully. "I say underwear for every house elf!"

"Hallelujah!" yelled Sally, her other invisible friend.

As the meeting went on, Harry and Ron were secretly filming her, and watching her secretly on their secret spy cam in their secret peephole. _Secretly._

"No wonder she's an only child," said Ron.

"I know!" Harry said. "Hey, I'm an only child."

"Yeah, I know," he said distractedly.

"Wow! You actually _know _something!" he said bitterly.

"I wish we had snacks," said Ron.

"Popcorn?" asked a blond boy next to them, holding up a popcorn bucket.

"_Malfoy_?" they asked in unison.

"That's my name," he said smirking. "And you know, I had to bring my Head of House with me."

"Hello, children," said Snape, unsmiling as he did a little 'rainbow' wave.

"AH-H-H-H-H!"

Harry pulled out a gun, "Say hello to my little friend." He shot it off everywhere.

"AH!" Hermione shreiked. "You shot Billy!"

"One man down!" yelled Ron.

"I will _not _tolerate killing being done without me!"

"Voldemort?"

"Bwahaahaahaahaa! _Avada Kedavra!"_

"Oh, good, master!" said Snape. "You're here!"

"I am not your master! _Avada Kedavra_!"

"Then who _are _you?" asked Draco and Harry, both holding onto each other for dear life.

**I'll end it there, and let you guys decide who it was. :)**

**I'll choose a political figure... grr.  
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	6. A Day in the Life of The Order

**Disclaimer: I don't own anything. Except for the plot. :)**

**YOU GUYS ARE GREAT (all my reviewers)! You all deserve virtual chracters. :) But I already have Drakey-wakey-pie. So, ha ha. -blows rasberries- FIRST REVIEWER GETS TWO CHARACTERS!**

**A friend helped me write this! He/she is awesome, and I love him/her! Just like I love you guys!**

**Anyway, the Order won on the poll:  
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**Random thoughts, from a random mind:**

**I'm watching Spongebob right now (aw. Ga-wy), on my bed, in my pool floatie. **

**That I pulled atop my bed.**

**:)**

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"SHUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUN," said Mrs. Black. "SHUN THE NON-MUDBLOOD HATER-"

"Mum, shut up," said Sirius, throwing a popcorn kernel in his mouth. "I'm about to watch _I Love Lucy_."

"SHUUUUUU- What? I love that show," she said.

"Hey, Mad-Eye," said Tonks, "you want to play Tic-Tac-Toe?"

"No, how about we tell scary stories?"

"Fine. There once was a guy and he did some scary stuff, and it was all creepy. Now do you want to play tic-tac-toe?"

He sighed, "How about we tell jokes instead?"

"HOLD ON!" yelled Sirius. "I Love Lucy is coming on!"

They all turned around in suspense.

"Aw," said Lupin. "It's a RERUN."

"Well, that sucks," said Snape.

"I KNOW, RIGHT?!" said Sirius, obviously not detecting the sarcasm in Snape's voice.

"Well, we can do what my mum did before Love Lucy came on," said Tonks. "We can play with finger puppets."

"Dude, your mum's old," said Kingsley.

"I know she is," said Tonks. "It's the most obvious thing in the world." she reached over the couch to get the popcorn from Sirius, only to fall over it.

And then a set of stairs appeared at the bottom of the couch. She fell down again.

"Oh, cool! Where does it go?" asked Sirius.

"Lets go!" yelled Dora-the-explorer on the TV.

"Wow, that's not ironic!" yelled Snape, with real mirth in his voice.

"It could lead to a death trap," yelled Mad-Eye. "Whatever lives in there could kill us!"

"Or worse," said Tonks, "Rid us of our buttocks'!"

"Hello, children," said Voldemort.

Lupin fired off a Cheering Charm.

"I love the WORLD!" yelled Voldemort running around Grimmauld Place.

"MUDBLOODS, SHAME OF MY-" shreiked Mrs. Black shrilly, then she saw who he was, " Oh, wait. I actually like you."

"PEACE, MAN!" yelled Voldemort.

"Siri-u-u-us," said Dumbledore. "You got some 'splainin to do!"

"Uh... MOONEY DID IT!"

**LOL. Thanks to my totally awesome friend/cousin/psychiatrist/bear who helped me write this. **


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